This is my first draft of the 'Smashed' essay. We were asked to analyse the film applying technical and analytical terms from the key concept of media language. When I received my essay back, I found myself a grade below my target, but I had been told what I had been doing well within the essay, and needed to keep doing throughout, but I also had feedback which I needed to create the final draft of the essay. It seemed to be that the main problem with the essay was structure and how I needed to make the essay less like a list in a sense, therefore I need to go through my essay and restructure it to create a more fluent essay. The other points that I needed to sort out within my essay are using more technical names and codes, this is a case of reading through my essay and adding/changing some of the words I have used.
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